24. February 2006, 09:42
What Dreams May Come
So what are dreams? Reflections of our emotions? Our inner selves? Our pains and our joys? The stupid TV shows we watch?
I know, these are all such truism questions. I know that dreams can be any of those things or any other things really. I know most of my dreams lately are a reflection of inner disquiet and discontent but some of them are just so… bad. I don’t know whether to blame my own thoughts for their recurrence or whether its past actions that are to blame.
I know I’m waxing dramatic, but the dreams are rather upsetting to me and I just want them to stop. I don’t know if I can make them or not. I don’t know if some ridiculous pseudo-Fruedian psychoanalysis is needed to get to the root of the problem or what.
(By the time I finally realised I never posted this because I’m a little bit of a ditz, I also realised that the icky dreams had stopped. Just a passing phase, as many things are.)
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10. June 2005, 14:14
Toxic Sludge Muddies Air
I’m tired of waking up in the morning with an uncomfortable, shameful film of taste left on my mind from the night. I like to wake up feeling clean, fresh and well rested. I like to blink my blue eyes open against the glare of the sun, and feel happy, young, and innocent as my little cat curled up against my legs.
For several weeks though, I wake up feeling dirty and used by my nighttime, subconsious retchings. I feel too unclean to be part of the beautiful, warm, sunshine-y nature trying to burst outside of the confines of suburbs outside. I’m just as ugly and grotesque as our marvels of technology parked in our driveways. I’m the pollution, not the fresh breeze.
This really isn’t something I want to talk about though. I don’t want to mention the things that pass at night. I have no control over them, but I still feel guilt as though I purposely invited them to fill my mind. I just want something to write though. Something to say. A jump start. And maybe it’s important to record a sliver of a time of dark, twisted nights. I wish not though.